date posted: 2021-07-24
summary: Mina isn’t actually opposed to the spotlight.
word count: 429 words
Mina isn’t actually opposed to the spotlight. Or rather, she can’t be that opposed to it, considering it’s part of her job, but. It’s nice, sometimes. Every now and then, she feels she’s drowning in the feeling of having all eyes on her — other times she’s wading through it, and most times, she’s just floating, languishing.
But she knows she’s good, usually. Finding the confidence itself is hard, but she’s aware of her basic skill, that she’s decent at working the camera. In her experience, autopilot is more than enough to get her through these parts of this job.
The lights flashed, kept flashing, and then she sees Nayeon moving forward, shuffling through the clothing racks and camera setups, with that confident look of hers, as always. A face, an expression — nothing near a smile, Mina decides. She’s always thought it to be the perfect balance of model-like stone and idol-like welcome, and she wonders how much Nayeon practiced in the bathroom mirror to get it right, how many pictures she must’ve referenced.
Mina was glad her turn was long over. They don’t shoot in member order, but rather whoever is next after styling. This time around, she’s thankful she was early in the order and got it over with, thinking about how she typically dreads the in-betweens of each member and hoping it wasn’t her turn yet. That sort of petty, immature thought.
She can’t even remember what they’re shooting for today, and she feels the haze in her head thicken at that. If she really wants to, she can play a time-old game with herself and try to find the source of the haze.
Maybe it’s the ever-present anxiety, always lurking somewhere within her. This time, probably her chest, if the flutters are anything to go by. It could also be the hunger — as if she remembers when she last ate. For a second, she wonders what time it is. She idly runs her tongue over her split upper lip, lets her mind wander to the other day when she accidentally bit too hard during breakfast and wound up with the unforgiving cut. The sting was the worst yesterday, prickling even from water — then she remembers how it worsened every time she licked the cut, and quickly stopped the behavior again.
Taking a step back, she leans against the studio wall, lets the sudden coolness take some of her with it, and blinks up.
She sees how much Nayeon adores the spotlight, having the attention all over her, and feels herself slip under just a bit more.